Do I Need Another Drink?

Only 97 percent of doctors say I have a drinking problem.
maistora, flickr

maistora, flickr

Of the 100 medical opinions I’ve gotten, 97 of them say that my liver damage is a result of binge drinking. Two of them weren’t sure if it was caused by the booze, and one actually disputed the idea.

My friends aren’t so sure though. I’ve asked ten of them, and only four think it’s mainly the liquor at fault. So although no one denies I’m in serious danger of liver failure, there’s some uncertainty over the cause, particularly among non-doctors.

Whatever. The point is: I’m heading out to happy hour soon.

If by chance my reasoning strikes you as problematic, you may enjoy reading the results of a thorough survey of published climate science:

The survey considered the work of some 29,000 scientists published in 11,994 academic papers. Of the 4,000-plus papers that took a position on the causes of climate change only 0.7% or 83 of those thousands of academic articles, disputed the scientific consensus that climate change is the result of human activity, with the view of the remaining 2.2% unclear.


  1. Sophia Katt says:

    You forget that the liver is evil and must be punished.

  2. bryan says:

    The 97% of liver scientists are only trying to get more funding from grants.

  3. Daniel says:

    Thinking about global warming makes me want to start drinking.

  4. oil gusher says:

    Drink up!!

  5. Jonathan says:

    Don’t worry, you will actually be healthier without your liver working right, because your other organs will learn to deal with toxins better.

  6. portrait benschon says:

    I like drinking so much that I will figure out how to adapt to a world where my liver has failed. Barring that, I’ll anticipate advances in renal-engineering, unproven technologies that can reverse liver damage.

    • Susan says:

      Renal engineering may help your kidneys more than your liver.

  7. Lisa Stiffler says:

    Uh, when I clicked on the hyperlink for “I’m heading out to happy hour soon.” I was really hoping that I’d be sent to a round up of Seattle’s best happy hours. Does that necessarily mean that the point of this post was lost on me?!

    • Eric de Place says:

      It just means you need another drink, Lisa!

  8. Fishmael says:

    It’s just part of a “naturally occurring cycle” — it has nothing to do with your behavior.

  9. Jack Pollard says:

    The humor here is lost on me..I’d wager the humor will fade when that deep seated pain from your terminal liver disease kicks in..
    And you get on the list for a transplant…Good luck pard..Jack

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